Legacy: Michael Jackson 1958 ~ 2009
On Thursday, June 25, 2009, I was sitting at work doing my normal routine. I was already feeling sort of blue and celebrating the life of Farrah Fawcett; such an icon with her famous poster from way back when I was a boy – I remember seeing that on my brother’s wall, cousin’s wall, friend’s wall… It seems like a dot of ink on a page in a book of many; time wise. So, I was sitting at my desk updating the status of my workload when a desktop news alert came creeping up from the right of my screen. I get breaking news alerts at work, home – wherever I am, if it is breaking news I am usually the first person to be the bearer of it to friends and family. This is the little journalist in me, I suppose. After the thoughts on Farrah and Ed McMahon a few days prior and the pondering on the question of whether this was the year of the dying icons, the words “Michael Jackson Suffers Cardiac Arrest” crawled up my screen. My reaction was less than immediate, as I clicked on this devastating news story.
Within two hours, all was said and done. Normally, when a celebrity dies; it is mentioned and I reflect on what they gave to pop culture, to us as a society and to the world in their given fields. THIS was different. “This Is It” – the title of what was to be his farewell tour – was surely the case – quick and in sudden fashion. Fiercely, the news of his death took over the internet, what was seen on television, what was talked about in hallways, on subways and in the streets from Boston to Bombay. It really was fast and collective – a feeling of complete and utter loss. It didn’t really hit me until later that evening, when I was home flicking channels – and something very strange happened. I got emotional – not just shook, but I felt this sudden sense of sadness and loss. I have felt that way before, but it was due to either my parents or a close friend. Michael Jackson certainly was neither – family or friend, but he felt like it.
I instantly went on this weeklong emotional roller coaster; that still is not over, but has been put into personal perspective after much reflection and celebration of his life’s work. I was and have been officially grieving Michael Jackson. How was that possible? I felt bad for not listening to his music for many years, due to rumor and innuendo that he seemingly brought upon himself at the end of the day. For a period of time, I admit that I stepped back from even being a fan of his music. In all honesty, I had stopped listening to his music, would shake my head in disbelief at his appearance and demeanor, and hadn’t really given him much thought recently. I compare it to my ever-declining relationship with my own sister. I say that only as a guide for comparison. Anyone who has read my work knows that is not a big surprise. It happens to everybody from all walks of life. Relationships get damaged over time; due to wear and tear, people changing and life in general. So, my relationship as a mere fan, as it were – had changed to seemingly non-existent.
I gather I am not alone…
That all changed the day he died. All was forgiven. Who am I to hold down anyone’s soul? This musical genius, this artist of artists – the biggest ‘star’ ever in my eyes. Gone – within an instant. Nobody has ever, nor will ever compare. Could it be? I still shirk at the notion – one who seemed so invincible, so outrageous, so damned talented in one pinky finger compared to most of his contemporaries …was human after all. Then I thought I was crazy. He wasn’t all that really. Some naysayers will only look at the success of three albums (Off the Wall, Thriller and Bad) and three albums such a grand endowment is not worthy. I look at the accomplishments from way back, the delivery at such a young age, the sheer entertainment value, showmanship, humanitarian efforts, the evasiveness, the self-doubt, the lack of self–esteem with the world at his feet, the massive crowds, the eccentricities, the craziness, the spectacle, then the writing, the feeling, the depth of the work, the ins and outs of melodies, so much from just one… Michael Jackson sold it – lock, stock and barrel. He was the total and complete package. So, yes, I stand firm in it when I say he had to be the biggest ‘star’ ever. After speaking with colleagues and friends in the industry and seeing other iconic figures (i.e. Liza Minnelli, Diana Ross, et al) make similar statements.
I remember the excitement I felt walking home after a long journey from buying his Thriller album. I recall the joy I felt watching him moonwalk across the stage at the Motown 25 special – and how excited I was for him when he was nominated for an Emmy for that performance. I remember dancing to his music; the car rides with friends where he was the soundtrack, the conversations with my grandmother about the jazz in his music and the flight of his feet, the tears I shared with my mother after seeing the beautiful video for Earth Song, and singing along with my father to We Are the World. So many memories, with so many people near and dear to my heart and soul – and Michael Jackson was there a lot of the time…and I didn’t even realize it until he was gone.
The Kubler-Ross model I studied so much in a Death & Dying class years ago (I know, how morbid…but it certainly has its place, as it is certainty we all collectively as a human race surely have in common), states five steps in the grieving process. The five stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
I went through Denial almost immediately, but very briefly with paparazzi having a photo of him laying dead in the ambulance - just days after sprawled all over the cover of a magazine and on the internet. Why people are intrigued by that part of it enamors me to no end, but I guess they are. I surely didn’t need to see it in the grocery checkout line, as I sipped sluggishly on my smooth and creamy iced latte. I pointed it out to the checkout lady; my friend, Carolyn, who was just as mortified and disgusted. Yet, there we stood looking at it nonetheless. I was going through the Anger, as I addressed my guilt by perusing I-Tunes and refurbishing my collection of my favorite songs by him. Shame on me for being like so many who thought he was guilty of a, b or c – like I said who are we to judge – and even the child molestation allegations didn’t hold up with a jury. At the end of the day, who knows what really happened (save for those directly involved) and a jury acquitted him, yet society looked at him as pretty much an outcast and he seemed to withdraw more and more. We could spend hours looking back on his childhood and all he traded to be the superstar he was.
I was Bargaining as I listened to his music, sometimes tearfully and all those memories came back to me – and I thought…it just couldn’t be. I mean, after all, it is Michael Jackson. The mystical one who seemed like magic right before our eyes so many times was more than mere smoke and mirrors. Maybe it was just another phase he was going through, a big publicity stunt. Then the better (and smarter) part of my subconscious took hold of me. Then I thought maybe people will accept his music as his legacy and not get caught up in the whole mockery and spectacle of it all. Congressman Peter King didn’t really say those mean and nasty things about him did he? I mean which one of us does not have a few questionable skeletons in their closet. No human is perfect. After all, a big part of who and ‘what’ Michael Jackson was …was what we, as a collective society, made him.
Those final two stages I am still working out… Depression only insofar as what a loss, and was he ever truly happy? Not to mention, all those memories listening to his music has brought back – both a blessing as well as a curse. I miss my folks tremendously, so reminiscing about them so much recently adds to the emotiveness. Then I chuckle to myself and think I am crazy to cry …over the death of Michael Jackson?! Get outta here… Then I look at the images I see of the crowds, the shrines, and the parties celebrating his work, the impersonators and illusionists. I see the tears, the sadness, the joy of celebrating a life lived, the recognition that in mortality we see that even iconic figures are actually breathing, flesh and bones human beings.
…and finally – Acceptance…
This is not as difficult as I thought it would be. My spirit tells me all is well with our Michael – he was at peace before the ambulance got there, I do believe that with all my heart. All this drama with the family, the will, the children, the baby mama, the aggressive father, the grieving mother, Diana Ross, Liz Taylor, Liza Minnelli – oh my – none of it matters to Michael Jackson. Not anymore…
Now, it is finally all about his music. Just listen to the tune of it. Listen to Thriller and Just Another Part of Me and tell me you don’t tap your toes and wiggle a little – say no …and you’re a liar. Listen to the humanity in Earth Song and Will You Be There. Eyewitness the recollection in Remember the Time. Hear the sincerity in She’s Out of My Life and Heal the World. Listen to the innocence and plea in Ben and Got to Be There. Rock it out to Beat It and Give in to Me. Go ahead let your hair down with Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough and Billie Jean. Catch the grit and grandeur of Blood on the Dance Floor and Scream. Feel the humanity in We Are the World and Human Nature. I could go on all day with this.
Michael Jackson… Thank YOU for so many memories… Honestly, it truly has been all of my life I have known you – and come to know you – and now I can fully appreciate all that you have given. I am sure wherever you are, you’re soul is looking out over all the outpouring of grief out of love and recollection. You have put a lot of wonderfulness out into the universe and it will be nice to see the realization of the timelessness of that in the years to come. You’ll be right up there with Jimi, Elvis, Judy, John and Janis, as your works of art are for the ages. Our children’s children will be dancing to the beat of your drummer, sir – and from one artist to another I tip my hat to you for all you have given. Rest easy, my friend, your work here is done – go on and enjoy your peace.
~
ANTONIO CASSONE is a freelance writer, photographer, performance artist and published author. Visit his website at http://www.photographybycassone.com to see more of his works.
To read more about the Kubler-Ross model discussed in this article go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief
To hear and see more from Michael Jackson – visit http://www.michaeljackson.com
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