Childish Gambino - This Is America (Official Video)

Good morning - September 3, 2018 - Happy Labor Day USA - Photography by Cassone

...And Deeds (Excerpt 5 of 5 from "Looking through the Naked Window," book 1 of the memoir)

These vignettes are from chapter/episode 23... in book/season 1 of the memoir series.

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In my sordid, sometimes triumphant life there have been many deeds. There have been the dirty deeds and then there are those wonderful acts of kindness. They're nice when on the receiving end, but even more redeeming when on the giving end.

~~~~~

Lance, my first, so-called ex-lover has been on my mind a lot lately. You lovers of the world know what influences those first loves have on us, be damned what they did in the past. Hell, we all have a past. I know I certainly do. Over the years though, during our multiple episodes of being high profile guest stars in each other's lives, we have always come back together and picked up where we left off. Remember when I said I left Lance originally, because I wanted to feel something for my mate. That was a half-truth then, which has snowballed into my very own personal foolishness.

You see, all along I really didn't want to feel. It was always too sexually charged. If it wasn't an explosive and head-banging (literally) experience, I wanted nothing to do with it. That was then, so when Lance and I were going together I became bored with him and his comfort zone, as far as our relations were concerned. Then, we can't forget Jimmie, who took the whole sex thing to another level. He became boring due to his constant repetitions. Allen was always a buddy. So, there you have the first three of my relationships. I remind you, they were all one-sided and as I told my dear friend, Pam, recently, as I toked long and hard on another ruthless cigarette... I, yes, I have never been in a true relationship.

I have lived a lie.

~~~~~

I wrote Lance a letter about a month and a half ago. It’s been about three years since I had seen him and I was wondering how he was doing and I will admit, I missed being with him. Sure enough, he got the letter and we got together for a very nice, intimate evening. I have seen him twice in the week and a half surrounding the holiday. Yes, before and after Thanksgiving, I was having a little more holiday cheer than I had anticipated and it was wonderful. Why? Because, of the differences. Now I like the familiarity. Now I feel like being ...familiar.

~~~~~

It was funny having all the company I had over the holiday weekend.

It felt good, but whenever somebody ate something or sat down or touched something, I'd say. "Oh Pam got that for me" or "Diva did that for me."

Not that I hadn't realized it before, but what would people like me do without kind people in our lives and their acts of kindness and good deeds.

We would be naked.

Pam, Diva and people like Colleen and those at my church, St. Leo's, like Mary Ann or Angela; my friends like Shad and Marshall and even people like Tiger - they live the Beatitudes from the Bible. None of them are particularly 'religious' people, although a couple of them go to church and participate in their community a lot more than some of the others...it doesn't matter. It is the simple fact that they all have one thing in common. They have very little themselves, but have enough of the "Spirit" in them to give what they can, do what they can for those of us who had or have found themselves in a tighter spot in life.

~~~~~

Don't get me wrong; I have been a giver all my life, but primarily for all the wrong reasons - usually, to impress a guy. Because, you see, for as many men as I have considered lover there have been those who are "friends" past and present whom I have wanted quite desperately, but never landed that proverbial lay in the hay. Not that it would have been a big deal, but it was just that I equated love with sex for a long time. I have a lot of love for these guys to this day, but it hadn't reached its fullest potential because we hadn't done the deed, as it were. My dealing with them has been a major part in my turning point and responsible largely for where I am now in my life.

~~~~~

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Little does he know, even though we never 'related' with one another, he is one of the reasons I now keep a low-profile on the night club scene. When you see how people act and hear what they say about him after he walks past their fake grins on their false countenances, it makes one like me think - "I never want to be thought of that way." And I have maintained that respect over the years. As big of a whore as I was in the past, I never carried myself as such. That's the difference between him and me. Call it an educated read, but when you call it like it is seen and when we become honest with ourselves, honey, and you figure out - well, that's not somebody you'd want to be with anyway because sure it may be a cool sexual experience, but at what cost and while it may be a big deal to you we all know it means next to nothing to men like him of the world.

~~~~~

I have also learned that deeds always outweigh any act you put on or any string of words you can put together in a perfectly created phrase.

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Looking through the Naked Window: The Restoration Chronicles (Volume 1) is available in both Paperback and Kindle Editions for purchase at http://www.amazon.com/Looking-through-Naked-Window-Restoration/dp/1484950933/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Check us out on YouTube – Please Subscribe (It’s Free!)http://www.youtube.com/cassone2007
Check out Antonio Cassone’s Author Page on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B003OC3MME
Thank YOU!

Acts (excerpt 4 of 5) from "Looking through the Naked Window" (book 1 of the memoir)

These passages are from episode 21: "Acts"

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Tiki and Natalie had since witnessed the birth of their beautiful daughter. They were still living their thugged out fantasia, but something was about to put a damper on the whole thing. He no longer worked at the mail sorting company and I had since quit for the eighth time and was simply going to college and working my college work study job and at the burger joint. I got a call from an ex-co-worker, who told me he saw Tiki on a crime show, stating he was wanted - make that Most Wanted.

Well, you know me; I simply got in my car and drove over to his house. I had stayed away for about a year because I was steady with someone else and besides I thought whatever fling he and I had was over and done with and left him to his Natalie and their baby and their common-law wedded, parental bliss. Ah, but how things suddenly change. Natalie had gotten a little selfish with the daughter and was spending more time at her parent’s home.

Tiki and Gramps argued more and more. Tiki was almost psychotic when he discussed Natalie and his grandfather to me, when I came over unannounced. That is unlike me. I usually always call first, but I knew Tiki needed someone to listen to him and he was very happy to see me. Yes, very happy, very drunk, twice as high and extremely horny. Little did I know, I was not only in for a long night (that was actually a good thing, as I needed a long night at that point), but it would be the last time I would see him for many, many years.

~~~~~

I cheated - and I cheated - and I cheated.

Yes, I admit it. Hell, I've gone this far. Why not own up to all of it? Why hold back now? Shame forbade me from telling this before. Not only because of where - that was bad enough, the symbolism, but because of my ability to conceal it from my lovers, family and friends. Nobody ever knew, nor would they if I weren't telling them right here and right now.

If you haven't figured out my memoirs by now, it is an attempt to wipe my own slate clean. I know I am not the most perfect person in the world. Who is? I don't think, my dear friend, you realize how addicted I was to sex. Even now, I have to watch myself. I doubt you could, nor would you really want to, put a finger on how much of a slut and whore and sinner I have been. Guilt... Guilt has pretty much been the ruler of my life for a very long time. It comes from not only being raised Catholic, but from the acts - the many acts - I have committed in my life.
I only scratched the surface with my mother about it. I couldn't get too much past her, though. I think she prayed for my soul enough for ten lifetimes, God bless her, but I have still lived with my guilt and my snowball, my avalanche of lies and concealment of my whorish lifestyle. I made gay people look bad, because not all of them are as much of a ho as I have been. However, I have come so far from that now that it only makes sense to apologize for my shortcomings and ask for forgiveness.

Repent.

The men - they didn't care. That was part of the problem. I am not pointing the finger, but boy did they partake in the situation at hand and had no problem with it whatsoever. Oh, the sins that line ones soul runs deep and grows ever wide. It surprises even me the memories I have of the many tricks of the trade that took place in the auditorium at that holy place. I took advantage of that situation, pure and simple, and nobody ever knew...

Or did they...?

*

Were the hall's lined with eyes
Yes, the eye of God
But His eyes looked upon me with mercy,
And I looked away in shame and cried...

~~~~~

He was a man on the run. He had issues. Plus, he didn't want to start something with me he couldn't finish. He said I made him feel uncomfortable. Not discomfortable, but uncomfortable in a way it was bad for him. He didn't want to "start up" something with me. He was very angry with himself and started berating me at that point. I was like what in Sam's hell was wrong with him?

It wasn't me and even though I did I shouldn't have taken it personally, but he abruptly ended our visit and pretty much threw me out of his house. He told me I should stay away from there for a while that he did something, but he couldn't help it and that he would surely be arrested soon. I couldn't imagine what he could have done and how things could have fallen so quickly into the shit hole he found himself in. Whatever it was, it was serious and, even he said, I wanted nothing to do with him.

He was right.

A little time passed and before I knew it he was calling me collect ...from jail.

I said, "What the hell have you done?"

-----

Looking through the Naked Window: The Restoration Chronicles (Volume 1) is available in both Paperback and Kindle Editions for purchase at http://www.amazon.com/Looking-through-Naked-Window-Restoration/dp/1484950933/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Check us out on YouTube – Please Subscribe (It’s Free!)http://www.youtube.com/cassone2007
Check out Antonio Cassone’s Author Page on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B003OC3MME
Thank YOU!

Sunday Brunch #6: Barack Obama - Nobel Peace Prize 2009

Barack Obama wins the 2009 Nobel Peace Price "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples" according to the Nobel Foundation's website.

I am not totally shocked by this. For one, Obama was bound to get this recognition at some point. Yet, so many seem to be surprised, some even angry given comments I have read on other sites.

He has done what they awarded him the prize for already - and will continue to do so. He has people coming to the same table to discuss their differences who would not have been in the same room together a few years ago. He is broadening America's horizon, as we are hearing about country's we haven't heard about in awhile. He is trying to bring equality to those who haven't even been looked at up until now.

He brings people together. I look back on both the evening he won his presidency back in November and at all those who attended his Inauguration this past January. I look back and I see a sea of humanity filled with people from all walks of life, different races, young, old...he brings people together.

So, does he deserve it they ask. My question is: Why are people asking? Other than the fact it makes me proud for him and to be an American - which is hard to feel these days.

Goodness YES he deserves it! What is the big deal? While I think it MAY have been pre-mature (by a year or two), a person like Obama passes through this world once in a lifetime. No, he is not perfect, nor is he God. However, he has done so much more to bring people to the table TOGETHER, who you would not have seen come together in such a short time.

He would probably get a lot more done with his presidency if George W. Bush hadn't left us in such a sorry state. Obama more than deserves it - and the fact that he is donating the money that goes with that ALL to charity truly speaks volumes about the type of character he has.

I just get sick and tired of the pundits who try to find fault and issue where there is nothing at all, but their own scary, ridiculous agenda laced in racism calling it practicality.

To me, that has been the issue all along. Race. Which, unfortunately, does not surprise me given the fact Americans seem to give so much time to such a ridiculous notion. Racism built on prejudice stemmed from fear only to create more hate in the world. Say that to a Bible beater from mid-America and they would deny it, but you know where they come from. It's sad that this is the way it is.

Some, on the other side of the coin, would feel we have come a long way in America insofar as race relations. Maybe, but as a colleague and good friend pointed out in a recent post - it seems like pundits almost want Obama to start a race riot across America just to fix it. If it were anyone else getting the Nobel Peace Prize, I doubt it's recipient would be so questioned.

I think part of the problem is so many have placed him so high that they expect him to move mountains, when the molehills still need to be dealt with. You can't win a war without fighting some battles. As I stated before, I hope Obama has a chance to win a second term, because his first term has and will be filled with cleaning up his predecessor's mess. He is doing the best he can, in my eyes.

We should be congratulating him, not questioning the Nobel Foundation committee's reasons for their choice.

If it were anyone else, I doubt it would have even stirred a second tier news reel.

-

See past recipients here:

http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/